Blog posts just don't come as often with two little munchkins, huh? It's rare to find time with two free hands to type, let alone both kids sleeping at the same time. So I will type as fast as I can knowing this post will probably take me three more days to complete =) Whew, I feel like life as been a whirlwind lately. Emerson's colic seemed to really peak around weeks 8-10. She went from having one bad day a week to every day being a bad day. A bad day for us means spontaneous crying/screaming at all times while she's awake. I pretty much know from the time I'm done with my first feeding if it'll be a good day or not. On a bad day, I can't put her down even for a couple minutes without crying. On a bad day, sometimes she misses her naps because she can't fall asleep...other days she's so exhausted from crying that she'll pass out and give me some relief. Those two weeks where we were constantly having bad days were very emotionally and mentally tough. She requires so much one-on-one attention and it's hard to juggle her with still trying to give Ethan everything he needs. As always though, I manage to get out every day and take Ethan to the park, the library, run errands, etc. and just pray Emerson will give me a hour to "enjoy" our little outings.
Last weekend, Eric, Emerson, and I headed down to Lexington, KY for our friend's wedding. We were pretty anxious leading up to the trip because Emerson has never liked the car. It's a guaranteed trigger for her. All the prayers must've worked because she was an angel there and back. She fell straight asleep when we left on Saturday, slept all the way to Louisville where we stopped to eat, and fell back asleep as soon as we got back in the car. It honestly made the entire weekend so much more enjoyable. We were also anxious to see how she would do with our Aunt Linda and Uncle Rick watching her while we were at the wedding...but she surprised us again and did great! Linda kept sending me text messages throughout the night to ease my worry. Every update I got was music to my ears! Emerson was in the middle of a 10-day stretch where she was having really good days - no crying, seemed content, smiling, cooing, etc. I thought maybe, just maybe, we had turned a corner? I thought maybe the colic drops she was on were actually helping?
All that went out the window this week =/ Tuesday was the only day that was bad all day - the other days have been sprinkled with bad stretches that usually last a couple hours. It's just utterly exhausting to go from smiling in the morning to inconsolable in the afternoon. My only saving grace throughout the day is her long afternoon nap she takes lasting 2-3 hours. Sometimes the first hour of that is in my wrap, but at least she's resting and quiet. She turned 12 weeks on Thursday. Most colicky babies grow out of it by four months, but I've had several people tell me lately their baby didn't knock it until around six months. Our next step of action is to call a chiropractor. We've had several friends recommend chiropractic work and I'm familiar with parents taking their kiddos to get adjusted to rid them of such things like ear infections, tummy issues, colic, etc. I reached out to two of my friends from college who are licensed chiropractors in Michigan and North Carolina to see their thoughts - they've both treated babies and seen success in reducing colic behavior. Our good friends, Mike and Stephanie, take their son Mason to the chiropractor for colic and they really believe they've seen results (no spontaneous outbursts of crying for no reason). At this point, it may help her and it may not. But, it certainly won't hurt to try.
I've never really used this blog as a means to "express myself." I (sometimes) envy the bloggers that I follow who literally lay every detail of their lives out for total strangers to read. But, that's why we follow their blogs - obviously we relate to them in some way through their writing. If I had all the time in the world, I would honestly write about how hard the last 12 weeks have been. I would write about how it's exhausting to go from resenting her one minute when she's screaming to feeling sympathetic and wanting to "fix" her the next. I would write about how I am jealous (and actually angry) at other moms I see in Target who have a sleeping infant in their carseat. I would write about the days where I've wished it was just Ethan and I and the days where I think about baby #3. I would write about my moments of rage and my moments of grace. I would write about the days where I cry more than Emerson and the days where Ethan reminds me to laugh. I would write about the days where I feel like super mom who accomplishes so much with two kids and days where I feel like a complete failure as a parent. One day I might get it all out on paper (or the Internet)! Until then, I continue to rely on my family and friends on a daily basis. I have two friends that truly understand what we we're going through and last night she reminded me the only way to stay sane is to stop trying to understand it. Colic is unpredictable. It's erratic. It's an anxiety filled roller coaster day in and day out. Eric and I's outlook is to do whatever it takes to keep her calm. When she's calm, we're calm. My grandma so sweetly reminded me that when she's better, we won't look at Emerson and remember what she 'put us through'. And I truly believe that. I already see glimpses of it when she smiles and coos and every bad day is immediately erased from memory. Every night I go to bed thankful we are one day closer to our sweet baby Emerson outgrowing this.
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